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4 Reasons Marriage Is So Hard

When a marriage goes sour, people are often quick to blame themselves or their spouse. There is a lot of finger pointing. However, according to a recent article from Psychology Today, much of what makes marriage so hard is societal in nature.

External Sources Of Tension

The article details four sources of tension that are a part of modern society:

1. The tension between marital commitment and personal self-fulfillment. In the past, spouses, particularly the wife, were expected to give up their own personal lives and happiness in order to make a marriage work. While some traces of that mentality still linger, there is a greater emphasis on self-fulfillment.

2. The tension between marital intimacy and its economic and social functions. Marriage is frequently described as a bond between two people. It is not just an emotional bond, but an economic bond. This bond can be jeopardized when one spouse is not pulling his or her weight economically.

3. The tension between romantic notions of togetherness and realistic conflicts. From financial matters to raising children, every day will come with new decisions that need to be made. While there is a romantic notion of spouses being in it together, it is unrealistic to expect that there will never be conflicts over decisions.

4. The tension between marital expectations and lack of support. In the past, marriages could meet expectations thanks to a strong support group of family and friends. Today, marriages do not typically get that level of support and are more inward-facing. As the author of the article says, "Marriage has become a lonely life raft in a storm-tossed sea."

All of these tensions can strain a marriage to the point of breaking.

Divorce Does Not Mean Failure

People want their marriage to work. Even after all attempts have been made at reconciliation, people are often hesitant to pursue a divorce because they feel it represents a failure. They may feel that they did not try hard enough.

In reality, there are so many external forces at work that it can be unfair to blame yourself or your spouse. Divorce may simply be the best option for moving forward. It is not a failure, but the first step toward a life that you can be happy with.

If this is an option you are considering, it is worthwhile to arm yourself with information about the process. At Russo White & Keller P.C., our attorneys can answer any questions you have about divorce, from the cost to the potential outcomes. We offer a free initial consultation to help you explore this option.

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